Confessions of a Witch Girl: Clenched Fists

Fear can show up in many ways.

It is a shape shifter.

It can present as anxiety, addiction, avoidant behaviour, anger, short tempers…. Its’ many shapes are vast and the grip it can take on our lives is sprawling.

Fear does not always operate on our surface level of expression. It can loiter in the shadows and take hold when we least expect it.

This often can show up for us as self sabotage.

Perhaps you are about to sit down and finally start writing your book. But suddenly fatigue over takes you. So you have a nap. When you wake up from your nap you get a phone call from a friend. They want to go out and do something fun. You agree.

Your book gets pushed aside for the day, you end up drinking with your friends, too much. The next morning you wake up foggy and tired, your guilt is crippling. Your book sinks deeper back in to the ethers from which it was trying to be born from… it disappears out of view…

You decide it’s time to change career paths. You have been looking and finally something that excites you presents itself. You get an interview for the role, and the night before it is scheduled, you can’t sleep. You toss and turn all night long, sleep through your alarm, and miss your interview. The opportunity fades out of your awareness and back in to the whispy vortexes of creation.

How often do we sabotage our dreams? How often do we allow the latent patterns of our subconscious to control our conscious lives? Self sabotage patterns showed up for me most of my life.

It wasn’t until I awakened to them that they finally started to lessen in their power over my life.

How do we face something within our subconscious? How do we know when a blocked situation is self sabotage or an act of redirection by the Universe?

I find that self sabotage feels wrong. It is a moment we know we are going against our intuition. Our guidance system is screaming for us to turn around. But we don’t listen.

We know when something is wrong for us to do- but we still do it. That is self sabotage. To over come this we have to push. We have to move through our comfort zones, our habits, our patterns, to force a changed behaviour. Re-write a neural pathway. When the choices we have spent most of our lives making, have not given us the life we know we want to align with, we must start choosing differently.

We see this when people quit drinking, quit smoking, start going to the gym. When people start doing something out of their ‘normal’ behaviours and habits. Yes removing these things from our body’s system is of course great from a health perspective, but it’s more than that. When we shift our lifestyles we shift our ENERGIES. And a shifted energy will align you with opportunities, people, and outcomes that you did not have access to before, in the previous energy.

This is why major life changes often lead to major breakthroughs. You are breaking up stagnant energy, creating flow, allowing energy to move through you and your life in a different way than before.

Universal redirection does not feel wrong or off. It can of course feel stressful. For example you are driving to a job interview and you get a call from your neighbour that your unit is flooding and you need to rush home to deal with it. That is universal redirection, and trying to force redirection to change direction, to fit your timeline, can be catastrophic. This is where we hear phrases like ‘it will start out as a whisper, but end up a scream, if you don’t listen, if you don’t read the signs.’

Our lives are always speaking to us, always showing us the way. It is imperative we follow that way in order to align with our most desired outcomes. But to do that, we must be actively living and present in them.

We must stop assuming we know what is best for us, that we know how to get to the end destinations we have chosen as our goals. We don’t know. We must move forward in the directions of our dreams with open palms, not clenched fists.

A clenched fist has no room to receive, if your palm is tightly gripping a penny, no one can hand you a hundred dollar bill.

Live with an open palm and allow what comes to come, allow it to rest in your hands until it too is time to leave. If it stays, let it stay, if it goes, let it go. But do not grasp. Do not choke the life from the throat of the World, instead open your palms and receive the gifts that are trying to be given.