Confessions of a Witch Girl: Voices

I drowned myself in a single teardrop as I waited out the rain.

I lit myself on fire to escape a single flame.

I walked around until my feet bled, just to avoid your shoes.

I exploded everything in my life, just so I could light the fuse.

I used to think that I was only a writer, I never believed that my voice held merit. I thought for certain I needed to hide behind a screen of some sort in order to be taken seriously and be heard.

Over the last two years of my life I have truly found a voice. And I am honoured that this voice is my own and how wise and beautiful it is now that I release it from my chest.

For those of you that know me, you know I have a butterfly on my throat.

I didn’t know at the time, but this butterfly was a symbol of my own voice, taking wings into the world.

For years and years, I allowed my mouth to be shut by those around me but most of all by myself.

I didn’t trust myself.

I didn’t trust that what I had to say had value.

I hid behind a pen and journal, keeping my thoughts to myself. Behind a computer screen, I felt safe, I felt I needed to stay hidden in order to even take myself seriously, to hold on to the words coming from within me.

I felt I needed to keep my identities separate.

One identity to face the world day to day, and another that dove deep within the waters of soul consciousness, deep within the waters of myself.

It’s almost as if writing allowed me to disembody, I could keep my own voice a part from my body.

Now that I have spent the last two years in an immersive, sometimes painful, growth cycle, I see it has ALLOWED me to integrate the many parts of myself. We do not need to compartmentalize our beings in to ‘allowable’ and ‘unallowable’. There IS space for every aspect of yourself to be shown at all times. Like a quilt of many colours, drape yourself across your own life, covering it with your patch work beauty.

I am aware now, more than ever, that my voice is a gift.

Through it I can share with you, my emotions and my wisdom and my guidance. Just as you can with me.

Our voice externally holds a timber and internally it holds an ember.

A ember that stokes the flame of our most precious selves, our one true nature, our soul.

My inner voice is now aligned with my outer voice.

The two have merged into one single flame of speech, lighting my destiny on fire and burning away what no longer serves it, and what blocks it from itself.